Sometimes the worst times make for the best lessons in resourcefulness. Not just for ourselves, either. If we can pass on resourcefulness to our kids, it’s so much more than a money management lesson. It’s a life skill that can help in everything from relationships, to work, to, yes, even parenting.

Over this past week— at end of the college semester parties, and at an award event at the high school where I sit on the Board—there was a lot of talk focused on Fall college tuition and how to come up with it over the summer.

Some folks were worried that even though they have the tuition now, if just one thing changes, they won’t. That change doesn’t necessarily have to be a job loss, maybe just a job reduction. Or for self-employed parents, it could be a big contract that gets put on hold. People were talking and bonding, in an effort to come up with backup plans, to pick each other’s brains for solutions.

I found out that many people don’t know about IRA withdrawals for college tuition. And we all should. There are two big catches—in most cases you need to liquidate the entire IRA, and you will pay some taxes— but as a last resort, it’s a trigger we should be okay with pulling this year. Once I explained it, the stress level in the room shot down, like a hot thermometer run under cold water.

There are some catches, so be clear what they are, but in many circumstances this year, it may be the only option, and even a decent one, especially if your household income has dropped significantly from its norm. Explain this whole following scenario to your kids, too. It will really teach them some essential lessons about how taxation works, and what a zero sum game is.

Here’s the deal: You can always take money out of an IRA for college tuition. You will get taxed on the withdrawal as if it were regular income. But you will not pay the traditional 10% penalty for early withdrawal. You must use the withdrawn money, called a distribution, to pay for school directly. You can’t remove money, for instance, and place it in a 529 college fund. The IRS doesn’t like that. If you reinvest, it is considered a change of investment vehicle, and not condoned. You will be taxed and penalized. And in most cases, you must liquidate the entire IRA, though there are some exceptions.

How to know if you’re the profile who should tap your IRA. You may see yourself in one or more of these characterizations:

1. If you have no other choice, and it’s a matter of your kid going to college, or not.

2. If you’ve already cashed out of investments at a loss in your IRA, and the money is sitting there, dormant, in cash. Many people have done this over the last year. If you’re already in cash, you stand to lose a lot less than those that are still completely invested in the stock market. They may have shares that are deteriorated, but shares can come back. Cash doesn’t.

3. If your income is so deteriorated— and will be for a couple of years—that the tax hit may not actually hit you that hard. This is especially true for people who contribute heavily to IRAs, with a lot more than the annual allowance of $2,000 pre-tax dollars.

Here’s how to figure out if you can wiggle out of the tax bite: First and foremost is whether you have contributed to your IRA with after-tax dollars. If you have not, then you will pay taxes no matter what; you may not offset losses against that money. So, those $2,000 contributions made right before April 15th, which lop the money off your gross income, and lower your taxable income out of the gate—you can’t get out of paying taxes on that money. The IRS doesn’t like giving out double benefits to people. Remember, if it looks like income, and smells income, they’ll tax it. And if you’ve wiggled out of tax on the way in, there’s no wiggling on the way out. You can, however, still take the distribution without the 10% penalty.

But if you have made contributions with after tax dollars, then crunch some numbers. If your income this year is lower than last year—from a job loss, job reduction, losses from stocks or mutual funds you’ve cashed out— or in the red altogether, it will offset that tax liability, at least in part. Remember, the tax they levy is regular income tax. All normal deductions apply.

There are limits to offsetting investment losses with your qualifying IRA withdrawal gain. You can only take up to $3,000 per year of stock losses against the capital gain of your IRA withdrawn money. But, if you actually have more losses than that on the stock market, you can take $3,000 of those losses in future years.

To explain this concept, do show your kids your original buy-in dollar amount for the equity, or mutual fund, or whatever the investment was. If the original purchase price is higher than your stock cash out price, then you get a loss, which is a deduction against regular income.

So, investment losses are one small advantage. But job loss is the big advantage here. Remember, the IRA withdrawal is added to overall income. So if the IRA is equal in amount to what your salary would have been if you had one this year, you might break even with taxes.

Or, if you have a job now but anticipate that your income will be lower next year—your job is going to come to an end, or be reduced— wait until Jan. 1, 2010, and then take the IRA distribution to pay for college. The game here is to play the tax liability against overall income. You want to calculate your losses in wage, and losses from cashed out investments. Have your kids help you figure out the best timing to come up with a zero sum tax liability.

Withdrawing from your IRA may not be your first choice. But, if you’re so strapped you can’t find another way, it’s definitely an option, no penalty. Do consult an accountant or other tax advisor before pursuing this option. Situations vary.

And please share college tuition backup plans that you have in place.

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Tax time is the perfect time to be thinking about starting a Subchapter S Corporation. You’ll be in the mindset to see how different next year can be. And it could be the greatest lesson you teach your over-18 kid in this economy, while boosting their college application or resume.

A Subchapter S Corporation is a small, privately owned business with fewer than 100 shareholders and employees. So if you have more than one kid, and they’re over 18, have the whole family become officers in the business. You can find a way to include underage teens, too, especially if they’re 16, legal working age. You can hire them.

Here’s the gist of an S Corporation: They do not pay any income taxes. And they pay profit taxes at a lower rate than your personal income tax. Instead of income taxes, the corporation’s income, or losses, are divided among, and passed to, its shareholders. The shareholders must then report the income or loss on their own individual income tax returns.

So, in bad recession years where you have losses in your investments, your income is shrinking, and you are truly operating in the red, your business takes a loss, you don’t pay out salaries, and therefore you have no personal salary. No salary, no tax.

The best part about an S Corporation is that you take your freelance or side business seriously. A big part of success is the mindset. If what you’re working at is just a side thing in your mind, you’ll never make it grow. And that’s an important lesson to teach kids: If you focus on something, legitimize it, put energy into it, you can grow it into something greater than you imagined. They’ll learn control over their financial lives—that they don’t have to always be at someone else’s mercy.

Here’s what the advantages are, to see if it’s the right move for you and your family:

1. Requirements. There are of course requirements for S Corporation, and here are two websites that can give you all the specifications, including getting the corporation filed:

IRS website for S Corporations
LegalZoom.com, which has all the forms you need.

It’s not expensive. You can often do everything for under $200. Each state has a different fee, but it doesn’t vary that much.

2. Get your kids in the mindset of an entrepreneur, and let them tout what they learn. You can not only teach your kids how a business runs, what stock certificates are, and how money that flows through a business functions, but you can get your kids in the mindset of thinking like an entrepreneur. Kids are wellsprings of ideas, and they share them if they think there’s a chance they’ll be put to use.

Whether or not they have an entrepreneurial life path, it is the post-modern recession skill. In the 1930s, out of work scientists who knew how to be brick layers had a recession skill. Starting a business is the 2009 version of that. Needs change during a recession, and when there are new needs, there are new businesses to be started. It’s good to know how to start a business if you need to. And they may find it suits them. Don’t just give your kids an allowance. Give them a corporate salary and a title.

Whether they add their title and responsibilities to a resume, or a college application, they’ll get a great response. A college application essay about being a part of a startup S Corporation will get the attention of college admissions directors. It’s competitive out there for universities, as you know, and this is a unique stand-out activity and job. What better way for kids to show initiative and a sense of personal responsibility?

They will love their corporate job. I think it’s the general rule of work: When you feel like you have stake in something, you’re more devoted.

3. You can start an S Corporation for any kind of business, and it protects you from liability. I have one, and wouldn’t live without it as a writer. If someone sued me for something I wrote, they could only attack the assets I own under the corporation, which is nothing. They can’t touch my house, my car, any of my personal assets.

Take this thinking to other sorts of businesses. Let’s say you start a business upgrading homes for energy efficiency. (See my March 24th post.) Say you burst a pipe in someone’s house and they want to come after you for damages. They can’t touch any of your personal assets. You start a business bank account, get a business credit card, keep only the amount of money you need to operate in that account, and that’s all they can file a claim against. You pay the rest in salary to yourself, and your kids, and no one can touch that. The liability lesson is so great for kids. It teaches them about consequences and preparing yourself for them.

4. Deductions. Your house is your corporate headquarters. You can deduct the space you use as office space on your taxes. Now, there are very strict requirements. For instance, you can’t use a room that has a closet in it as an office. The IRS doesn’t want people writing off bedrooms. But you count the square footage of what you’re using as office space, and it’s fair game. There are other deductions. If you’re using your car for work, you can write off gas, maintenance, repairs, the works.

Have the kids be an active part of assessing deductions. This can be their corporate job. They can be the Chief Financial Officer. And if you have more than one kid of age, you can have a Chief Operating Officer, too, and they can share the assessing lesson.

5. Investments that lower gross revenue. Get in that tax time lesson: Before you pay salaries in an S Corporation, the corporation can invest in the equivalent of a 401K, called a Simplified Employee Pension Individual Retirement Account (SEP IRA). Each SEP IRA needs to be in a corporate officer’s name, because once it is in their account, it is personal income, so if they cash out it is taxable. For some reason, you do need to be 21 for a SEP IRA, even though it doesn’t make sense to me. You’re allowed to be 18 and start an S Corp. In any case, you can teach the kids the concept by starting a joint SEP IRA under your name.

Please share your stories about family business start-ups that include the kids. I’d love to know what worked what didn’t.

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You’ve got a three-month plan in action. But you need more. A one-year plan, as in: If your financial situation hasn’t changed in one year, you should have the following in place. Some of these items, in order to achieve them within a year, need some planning now, and along the way. As usual, some may apply to you, some may not.

My number one piece of advice about these one-year changes: Keep them from the kids for now. They may not happen, so why cause undo stress, or in some cases, disappoint them?

1. Put your house on the stealth market. Don’t have a fire sale, don’t give away your property, don’t even advertise to your community. But put your house on the market and see what happens. And I’m talking about doing it now. No sign out front, just a deal between you and a realtor and their listing process. If you do it now, you won’t be freaking out later. And if you get an offer, think about it, and if it takes a while, so be it. You don’t want to be putting a house on the market the moment you really need to. You want to do it long before.

Regardless of what echelon of the housing market you’re in, sometimes the stealth on-the-market house has cache. Sometimes you’re right in the path of someone downgrading and can get a good deal. In my neighborhood, there are a lot of New Yorker expatriates who consider my house a big step down and therefore a savings. I’m keeping that information close to the vest in this economy.

Remember, it’s Spring time, so people with kids who need to relocate want it done over the summer. That means finding a house now, and closing by June.

Putting the house on the market now also gives you opportunity to think of clever ways to market it, in coordination with the realtor, and on your own, via blogosphere outreach. In my upstate New York area, there is the New York City market, but also Southerners and Californians who may need to relocate for work and don’t want to live in a city, but close to one. You may put feelers out to people you know across the country, via work networks, social circles, and social networking.

2. Look for jobs out of town. In the same vein as putting your house on the market, and in fact while you’re at it, look for jobs out of town now. Start a worldwide search if you’re adventurous, and call headhunters—the works. Inviting opportunity never hurt anyone. You can always say no. Different areas of the country are of course affected differently by recession, depending on the ecosystem of the state’s economy.

For instance, in Washington, D.C., the unemployment rate outranks the national average right now, at 9.3%, but it’s a tri-state area, and neighboring Virginia and Maryland are at 6% and 6.2%, and their populations serve the D.C. economy. Government, the military, medical, and technology industries there still afford opportunity, especially with a presidential administration that just opened up stem cell research and gave the nod to green tech, both growing fields. Medical technology is a huge, growing industry, with roots there as well.

The great thing about out of town jobs is you can rent a place based on your income, and if your house on the market isn’t selling right away, you can rent that out, too. Or at least try. You can always keep a house on the market while you’re renting it.

3. If you’re a do-it-yourselfer, start a green upgrading side business. I have zero skills for building or fixing things. Neither does my husband. We’re praying that our daughter chooses a useful life path like carpentry or medicine so someone in the family knows how to do something. If you have skills, even if you’ve never worked at carpentry or related vocations professionally, there is one growth area in the contracting field: Energy efficient home upgrades. People who purchase solar or geothermal units, tankless water heaters, pellet stoves, and other such items get a 30% tax credit. There’s no cost limit, either. There are still wealthy people out there, and since ultimately these conservation changes save money, aside from the tax break, there will be a demand for purchase, installation, and service of these systems.

You can either look for jobs with a contractor who specializes in green home upgrades, or start your own business. There may even be small business loans or grants to get for this sort of business. Look into it. Don’t be scared off by the news. Check out energystar.gov and energytaxincentives.org for information on which installations give tax breaks. Market yourself to wealthy communities.

4. Plan to sell a car. This is not one to do right away, but learn the ropes of eBay. My mother sold her car on eBay, which I promise you means anyone can do it. And she got a better price than any dealer offered her. You can tell everyone in town you’re doing it to be green.

5. Take a loan from family members. This isn’t always an option, but if it is, don’t be ashamed—or try not to. Drink a glass of wine before you make the call, whatever it takes. But also don’t wait until you’re desperate. It puts too much pressure on the person who would be lending the money to you. A desperate person never seems like they can pay it back. It’s psychological, for sure, but nonetheless can be true. And when you’re not desperate, you can think through arrangements that make everyone feel better, like repayment with interest.

6. Borrow against equity in your house and insurance policy. If you have equity, borrowing against your mortgage is just fine to do, even to pay for college. It won’t be forever. There was a trend in the early 1980s where wealthy people paid for college by taking equity out of their houses, investing it in equities, and paying for school and loan repayment with earnings. It is your capital. Just give yourself strict terms with the money.

Buyer’s warning: Don’t let anyone talk you into a reverse mortgage if you can help it. With lifespans these days, I wouldn’t recommend a reverse mortgage for anyone under 72. Even then I’m skeptical.

7. Look at state health insurance programs for your kids. These can be tough to qualify for. Many families, even with layoffs, come in right above the income and asset requirements. But look into it soon, because it’s a bureaucratic system and can take a while to wade through.

Stay tuned for my next post, which is what to do if you need to move your kids out of private school—Private School Bailout. This could be included in the one-year plan, but it’s quite a process, a plan of its own.

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There is one essential difference for single parents suffering from a lay-off, especially if there’s no other parent contributing financially: It’s a lot harder. Often mitigating the circumstance is so critical, managing stress is a luxury. If a single parent manages to keep the stress off of their kids, you’re my hero.

So aside from the applicable ideas in PART 1 and PART 2, here are actions to try immediately:

1. Find another single parent to be your single parent crisis partner. This could mean carpooling to save gas, or just having someone else to work things out with, like picking up kids from school or activities if one person has a job interview. This is critical if there is no other participating parent, or nearby family. Having someone else to cooperate with makes more seem possible, and your ability to cope is reinforced.

Many single parents have someone like this already loosely in place for emergencies, but if you discuss that you are one another’s emergency contact, and you are both hereby in a state of emergency, it makes a difference. There’s also someone to vent to besides your kids, and ideas happen between two people. Who knows, you may end up starting an Internet business together, selling survival tactics, products and services for single parents.

2. Apply for food assistance. Again, try to take the shame out of this. It is not forever. And don’t tell your kids if you don’t want to. Food assistance only works if you have absolutely no source of income during a given week. Unemployment doesn’t count as income, and in fact you’ll need to file for unemployment before you can receive food stamps or food donations from your local food pantry. Talk to your kids’ school, too, in terms of school lunch. Get that ball rolling quickly if your circumstance is severe.

3. Tell the school, meet with the principal. You need allies. This is very hard, because it’s embarrassing. But an aware principal will watch out for your kids and signs of stress, they’ll help alleviate that stress, and they may have good ideas for you as well. Who knows, the school may need help in some way that can be monetized for you.

4. Get help from local churches or synagogues. Even if you’re not religious, local churches and synagogues are for members of the community. Find out what programs they have and how to be involved. There’s rarely a lot of bureaucracy involved, so if you need help you can get it now, not weeks from now.

5. Shop at thrift stores for great clothes and other department stores goods. They have great stuff. The Salvation Army is well known, but there’s also Value Village. I learned to shop at thrift stores from a very wealthy friend of mine who is an avid conservationist and environmentalist. She sees no reason to support a primary clothing market when there’s an enormous secondary market. In this economy, I’m glad I know about it. I personally prefer Value Village. And who knew I was being green at the same time.

6. Here’s a strange one: Learn to write grants. Sounds like a weird survival skill, but it’s something you can do at home, it’s formulaic, and grant writers make good money. Besides, you need to invest in yourself to make yourself more recession proof. Not only that, you tune into how many grants there are out there—and you might just find a way to get a grant of your own. Some are shrinking, but some are expanding: Think about stem cell research, autism research, green tech, global warming. Find the hot issues in the news, and there are grants for those areas.

As a university professor, I can tell you that tenured professors would pay good money to have some help writing grants to do research. That’s a great market in and of itself. And if they have tenure, they’ve got a recession proof job.

7. Join a community Time Bank–a brilliant volunteer-and-get-credit program. Check online at timebanks.org, and if you’re community has one, join it. Here’s the basic idea:  There’s a pool of people who volunteer for needs of the group. Any time you volunteer for something—you’ve grocery shopped for the elderly, babysat for someone—-you earn credits. You then can trade those credits in for a volunteer when you need something. Brilliant. Never mind a bad economy, it’s the green community path of the future. And you’ll meet great people. Part of digging out of any hole is widening your circle of people.

8. If you live in a rental property, offer landlord management services. Talk to your landlord if rent will be a problem, before that landlord approaches you. Once you’re approached, you’re on the defensive, and the conversation is limited. Offer to perform some apartment or rental house management duties in exchange for a temporary break in rent. My brother has been doing this for decades, everywhere he has lived, just because he’s cheap.

Everyone is overwhelmed and has needs. The trick is to find out what those needs are. The most important thing for a single parent is to do as much extra work at home, or nearby, to minimize latchkey kid issues. But remember, that’s what the single parent crisis partner is for, too. In any case, helping out on your rental property is easy on the parent guilt. Offer to paint, do small repairs, manage repair people. You can do it. You’ll be surprised.

9. Contact your local Chamber of Commerce. They will know anything about local business and employment opportunities. Many people don’t think of doing this, which makes it a good thing to do, while you’re putting your name out everywhere else.

Any other single parent war stories out there? Share them. One more word of weird advice: When the weather is warm, take your kid camping. There’s something about camping that hones your survival instincts.

Check back on March 24th  for The One-Year Plan. To be updated on new posts, you can also subscribe to our RSS feed,  Facebook and Twitter page. Just add us.

This 3-month plan is about making a few significant changes, and preparation for more possible changes, before things become too big of a problem. The idea is to do whichever things on the list apply to you, and see how it’s going in three months. I suggest using this plan in coordination with the one-year plan, which is PART 4 of the Laid Off series.

The reason not to tell the kids about this plan: I subscribe to the school of thought that kids shouldn’t know every single adult thing going on in the house and in the parents’ world. Now, for college kids, it may be harder to hide, or even intuitive, tuned-in teenagers. Actually, teenagers are often more likely to figure out secrets being kept because they’re home and are phenomenal eavesdroppers.

Nonetheless, do try to keep potentially painful life changes to yourself for as long as possible. Worrying about an uncertain future will have an effect on kids’ school performance and well being. The more stable they feel, the more relaxed you’ll be executing some or all of the following ideas over the next three months.

1. Start looking for various jobs that aren’t your expertise. An 80-year-old scientist I know, born in 1930, said when he was 8 years old his father, also a Ph.D. in medicine, taught him to be a brick layer.

“It’s important to have a recession proof skill in your pocket,” his father told him.

Brick laying may not be recession proof in this bad housing and construction market, but the point is the same. Apply for jobs that are “beneath” you. This man’s attitude is perhaps the most important part of toughing out a bad economy: There is no shame in working at something you weren’t schooled for, or aren’t a pro at. The loss of your job isn’t your fault, or an indication of your ability to provide, to succeed. It’s just a tough time. If we can all accept this—and I will be the worst at it—then we will not just pull through, but have the opportunity to experience something different, get a fresh perspective.

It won’t be forever.

The reason not to tell the kids about your odd job hunt is that they have more calm wrapped up in your identity than you think. If they feel like you’re applying for jobs they might apply for, it will worry them. No reason to tell them until you actually start working at one. For now, it’s simply covering all your bases, reaching out to as many opportunities as possible. Part of this could also be reaching out to your network of business contacts and friends, and seeing if they need any sort of work assistance.

2. Sell Things. This is the era of eBay, and if you aren’t familiar, now’s a good time. It’s a great revenue-finder even in a good economy, but it takes time, and mental bandwidth, to keep up with it. So it’s a perfect project for the out of work parent, who can focus on setting up an account, monitoring and marketing the products, and bringing in some revenue.

But don’t go straight for the family jewels. Take inventory of your whole house and any storage facility first, and then do market research, see what’s out on eBay that’s selling. You’ll be surprised; you’ve got more than you think. A quick inventory at our house produced these items: an in-wall air conditioning unit we somehow purchased and never used. A piece of exercise equipment I couldn’t tell you the name of if I tried: It looks like something Dr. Seuss would build—the one-man band of working out. It rows and you climb or cycle or bend and twist. Anyway, clearly one of my husband’s purchases. I think he pinched his finger on the computer module the first time out and never used it again. A late ‘90s purchase, when the NASDAQ was at 5,000 and the Dow at a steady 12,000. His saving grace is that he kept the manual, even though he’s never read one of those in his life. But if you have a manual, you’ve got a model number. And if you have a model number, throw it up on eBay.

You’ll make money and clean out your basement, attic, garage, storage units. I think you get Feng Shui extra credit, too.

3. Don’t run from creditors. Call them. Take a look at reorganizing credit now. Even if you’re a person who normally doesn’t revolve credit, the next few months may place new demands on your habits. So, before you slap things down on the card you have, look at the interest rate. Yes, good offers might be harder to come by now than they were before, but they’re out there.

If you do revolve credit and are worried about getting maxed out and buried under interest rates, then definitely shop around for a new card. Also, speak to your credit card issuer about a payment plan before it becomes a problem. That’s the way to protect your credit rating. The same goes for outstanding medical bills. Call them, be proactive. This alone will reduce stress a great deal.

4. Get some advice before doing your taxes, if you haven’t already done them. If you owe taxes for 2008, then you may want to get advice about a payment plan with the IRS. If someone has lost their job, there are payment options available.

5. Become a part of a medical study. If there is a teaching or research hospital near you, you may be able to become part of a medical study. They often pay people to participate. Now, I know it sounds a little Orwellian at first, but it’s not always about being a guinea pig for a new Big Pharma drug. Sometimes there are sleep studies, nutritional studies, studies that link behaviors to health or illness.

Does anyone have any three-month plans to share? And please share your stories about layoffs. Who knows what advice or leads may come our way if we share.

And for all you single parents, PART 3 is for you. Check back on March 19^th for the next installation.

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PART 1: 6 Changes You Can Make To Survive and Thrive

NOTE to readers: This is the first blog in a 4-PART SERIES. This blog post, PART 1, is devoted to a family 3-month plan you share with the kids. PART 2 will be devoted to the plan you and your spouse make behind the kids’ back. PART 3 will be an additional plan for single parents who do not have the luxury of the other biological parent contributing to the finances. PART 4 is the one-year plan.

When the economy comes knocking at your door, the single hardest thing to do is remain calm and positive, for yourself, yes, but mostly for the kids. I know I don’t. I know I should, but the emotions are real, the stakes high, and living rooms have ears.

These days our house is filled with conversations about people we work with that have been laid off, cuts in budgets we’re trying to meet, more work than we can handle just to stay afloat, and the looming threat that if we don’t outperform expectations—never mind merely living up to them—that we’ll be the next casualty.

That’s a lot. But it’s still time to calm down before we panic the kids too much. And if your kids are already panicked, don’t panic. We can undo it; it’s not too late. The first thing to do is take a deep breath and get our minds around the fact that getting upset has been done, but it doesn’t have a place in planning to really cope. I want the kids to understand reality, that’s important. But they’re young, and if all they feel is trapped, it will choke off their problem solving skills, and their coping skills. Same is true for us, so we’ll be better off by planning to protect the kids. It’s one of the gifts of being around kids. During hard times, learning to be positive by teaching it to them.

When I ask people who lived through the Depression of the 1930s, they all say by the time it was over, they had developed a resourcefulness that helped them for the rest of their lives.

Okay, so let’s assume that someone in your family has gotten laid off. The first thing to do is make a 3-month plan—a fiscal quarter worth. And this plan can not only cut costs, but will boost your kids’ college applications, resumes, and may even land more than one person in your household a new job. Before we get to the list of things to do, I’m going to be my mother’s daughter and tell you what not to do first. Can’t help it. It really is in the genes:

DO NOT:

1. Do not share your long-term fears. It will accomplish nothing positive at the outset. For example, do not bring up possibilities of losing your home or not being able to afford college, even if those threats are real and imminent. No one loses their house before 90 days and this is the first three-month plan you are sharing with kids. Bad news is a negotiation, like anything else. Do it in stages, for the best chance at acclimation without panic. Plus, that is part of your parent-only private plan, which we’ll get to in PART 2. We are not ignoring it, just finding a different place for that conversation.If your kids ask about college or the house, I’d say to tell them it’s fine. Be in the present. If anyone has any advice to the contrary, please chime in though!

2. Do not show too much emotion. Funny thing about kids, they care how you act a lot more than what you say. They’re more natural, and feel energy behind something. You can tell them it’s scary, unnerving, stressful, and even angering—all of those things teach them politics and civic duty and great lessons about life itself. If you remain calm, they’ll take all those emotions as a call to action, as awareness, not your being unstable. They need to see that you are stable, that life will go on. It also teaches them that emotions can be had without being a threat to our control or sense of self.

DO:

Okay, enough of channeling my mother. Let’s get on to what TO DO for your 3-month plan. Bear in mind, you may want/need to do one of these, all of these, some of these. But definitely do #1:

1. Have a philosophical conversation that includes the environment and humor: Tell the kids it’s a tough time, it will pass, and we’ll learn a lot about being conservationist in the process. Hey, it’s the era of environmental protection and global warming. Tell them the whole planet should be doing this, whether the economy is good or not. Tell them this economic reality had to happen in order for us to change our habits and actually evolve. Have philosophical conversations. Kids are not too young for those. I’ve never understood why philosophy isn’t taught until college.

Tell them there should be a reality show called “Recession Survivors!” and maybe your family can video tape a documentary of how you make changes in your life. I’m not being flip here. Use humor during these conversations. Humor is disarming, and when people are relaxed, they open up their problem solving skills and creativity. Ideas happen instead of shutting down. Also, it helps mitigate any shame kids might experience if friends at school ask if Dad’s been fired. If you can use this opportunity to teach your kids to develop a true sense of humor, you will give them a true life gift. Take a look at all the successful comedians that the 1930s produced: Bob Hope, Milton Berle, George Burns, The Marx Brothers, the list goes on and on. Google it some time.

2. Take inventory of family expenses and make the kids the “waste busters”: Take a quick look at the March 5th blog post. It’s all about letting your kid evaluate your cable or satellite TV plan, comparison shopping, and find a better deal. Have them go expense by expense and find a good deal for everything in your lives. Help them of course if they need it. Do land lines, cell phones, electricity, gas, food, water, maintenance costs. Make a chart for each expense. Have a one-month goal, two-month goal, three-month goal. Compete to see who can find the best deals.

3. Barter with community members, and trade extracurricular activities for volunteering: In this economy, we need to help each other out and network as much as possible. You might be surprised how much you can barter. Before you do things like give up kids’ extracurricular activities, your yoga class, the gym membership, see what those service providers need. Maybe your kids’ tennis lessons can be traded for doing bookkeeping, or babysitting. While one parent is out of work, he or she can barter. And if you do need to give up some activities, remind them it’s only for three months. By that time, they might forget about it, or if not, resume the conversation then. Tell them it’s time to take a time-out from our normal activities and try new things, particularly volunteering.

Say your kid wants to play basketball and you can’t afford it right now, then have them sign up to be a Big Brother to a kid and teach that kid how to play basketball. It will give your kid perspective, and who knows what doors it will open. They’ll feel so good about themselves, too. Or if there’s a local film festival (and there is in every state now, most towns, too), have them volunteer for that. What kid doesn’t love movie stars?

Volunteering looks great on college applications, by the way, or on resumes if your kid is already in college. It can also lead to summer jobs, or even part-time jobs during the year for them, which solves another problem: their spending money. They’ll feel fantastic if they volunteer for three months and it turns into a job offer. It’s an excellent lesson, too, about getting your foot in the door.

4. Take on a border: If you have a guest room, consider this option. It’s great for kids to get to know someone new in an intimate way, especially an adult with a different perspective than parents. They may meet a lifelong friend. You can sell this to the kids, by the way, by telling them you’re helping someone else out. It does not have to come off as your need. Okay, that’s a lie. Is that so bad?

5. Discuss plan for the laid off parents: The laid off parent is looking for another job, but I’m starting to think it’s also a great opportunity to explain to kids that years start zipping by as you get older, and honestly, there’s a silver lining to losing that job: When one door closes, another one opens. Maybe it’s been so long since Mom or Dad evaluated what they’re doing with their lives every day, and the break is a welcome one.

My father always said that recessions are the time to try something new. He was a successful entrepreneur, who reminded me many times that success means standing up one more time than the number of times you fall down. He was successful, he said, because the last thing he tried worked, not because things didn’t fail along the way.

6. Join community supported agriculture: If you have community supported agriculture (CSA), it’s a great way to buy organic produce for much less than in any grocery store. It’s also an excellent way to teach your kids about sustainable agriculture, and give them a completely new extracurricular activity. They can often volunteer on these farms or city gardens. Another great bullet point for a college application or resume. Imagine what they’ll learn about the economics of our food supply. In some cases, you can spend $30 a week on produce for your whole family. You’ll be eating healthier than you ever have been at a fraction of the cost.

Discuss with your kids your dreams and things you’d like to try. When was the last time they saw their parents as growing, dynamic people with dreams? Hey, they may have great ideas of a business to start. There are always needs that are created in a recession, because people’s needs change.

Please share other surviving and thriving ideas. And stay tuned for PART 2, the plan you make behind the kids’ backs. I’ll post it on March 17th, St. Patrick’s Day. Maybe that’ll be good luck for everyone.

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