As a mom, the thought of my child going off to school surely put a bit of panic in my heart. Surely, they would stick around for college and go locally, I thought. However, as the junior year in high school approached the conversation of commuting to college or living on campus clearly had to be breached. However, rather than talking from the standpoint of a mother who does not want her children to leave the nest, I knew the importance of speaking about financial matters instead.
Commuting to college is an option in most homes. There are community colleges and often state colleges within a 40 minute to one hour drive. However, there are costs associated with these schools, including gas costs and the cost of maintaining a vehicle.
On the flip side, staying at college and living in a dorm room was more expensive compared to a local school. While you did not need to have a car on campus, you did need to pay for the room as well as food, something that mom and dad paid for at home.
Clearly, it looks like living at home is the more affordable choice, right? Before having this discussion, though, I thought about a few other factors with my children. For example, would living on campus be something to help cement in the money lessons I had taught them over the years? The recent changes to the credit card laws in the United States now require any minor or person under the age of 21 to have a cosigner to get a credit card. I could extend my reach and limit my child’s spending money at school because of this. However, I also want them to learn from their experiences.
Our Conversation
After spending a day in the guidance counselor’s office discussing college options and applications (speaking of which, have you seen the admission testing fees lately!) I decided to that going out to lunch was a great idea. We dismissed him from school for the day, which is a very rare treat and went to lunch. We discussed the college options available and the various programs offered. It was clear he was leaning towards an out of state school, which would be even more expensive than one just a few hours away.
However, I brought up the subject of commuting and attending a school that was 30 minutes away. As we spoke about options, we gave our order and I asked to keep a menu. We were in an average sized restaurant that was priced about right for what a college cafeteria was.
The first thing we discussed was the obvious cost difference: dorm costs. Attending a school out of state would also cost a good deal more than an in state school. Then, we flipped through the college course book to learn more about just what made the out of state school so attractive. After further review, we found that there was no difference between the out of state school’s curriculum and program than that of a school a few hours away in state. My son decided that what he knew of the school was more about the sports and the “fun” he had heard about than his education.
Still, there was the aspect of commuting to school at a school 30 minutes away or to the one a few hours away. This is when I flipped. Instead of encouraging him to choose the local school, I gave him a piece of paper and a pen, along with the menu of the restaurant we were at, and asked him to come up with what he thought it would cost to live on campus, eating three meals a day at a cafeteria. After coming up with a cost figure, we set this aside. Yes, he could see it would be far less expensive to live at home.
However, I did not want him to make this decision just yet. I also wanted him to think about the quality of the school and the programs offered. We learned that the school that was a few hours away had some excellent internship programs and it offered students other key features that the local school did not. These would enhance his education easily.
We discussed costs and we discussed a budget. This is not something every 17 year old would talk about, but it is critical. Knowing how expensive school would be, we figured the income he would need to make to live on campus. We also factored in how much we, as parents would pay, and how much he would be responsible for.
Why This Conversation Is Key
Have you talked to your child like this about the actual costs of going away to school? At the end of the day, I did not want to make a decision for him. I wanted him to also gain the knowledge he needed to do well in his career, but also in his financial life. Going away to school would surely teach him how expensive life could be. It would be a great money lesson for him.








