The poet T.S. Eliot got the month right, just the reason wrong. Forget breeding lilacs from the dead land. Didn’t the man pay taxes? Tax time in this economy trumps all bad things, in my humble opinion.

I’m not being political here. Whether or not you believe there should be more taxes, it hurts to go through the process. So we may as well take the opportunity to teach the kids about taxes, give the experience some sort of silver lining. No better time to show how much they pinch.

There are two key lessons for kids with their first legitimate W-2 or 1099 sort of job. And the good news is that the prerequisite—the painful sticker shock of just how much comes out your paycheck from taxes—doesn’t come from you. You can be the good guy this time, the cavalry with helpful ideas to make tax time better. I firmly believe kids only absorb tax lessons when they’re part of the system. Before you actually feel the pinch personally, you just don’t pay attention the same way.

1. Introduce them to investment vehicles that defer tax payment. It’s not too soon for them to put a small percentage of their income in a 401K. I wouldn’t make it more than a percent or two of their income at this age, but it’s a great lesson for a few reasons, not just the obvious one.

Tell them about the opportunity, once a year, to stash money in this sort of account before you pay your taxes. They’ll grasp the “it comes off the top” concept well. It teaches them about business overhead, too. (I believe good money lessons are always good entrepreneurial lessons.)

The best part about having them invest in a 401K is it’s similar to understanding a scholarly novel, or a Shakespearean play: You understand a lot more once you know the end—when you see the whole arc of the story. A 401k plan may seem like too far along in Act 3 for such young people, but by understanding long-term saving, they’ll get a better grasp of short-term saving.

Draw a timeline and put the 401K payoff near the end, with the money they’ll save in taxes along the way. Have them calculate the interest they’ll earn over the years. They’ll grasp the cumulative aspect of it well, and start to calculate interest on all sorts of things. Understanding how to calculate interest is a key skill—on the liability as well as revenue side of their blossoming life balance sheet. They might even understand the mortgage crisis as a side lesson.

If you just can’t stomach the idea of someone so young socking away money they can’t touch for 45 years or more, then have them invest in a 529 college fund. Even if their college money is already planned for, they can put the account in a sibling’s name, and make an arrangement with you for reimbursement, including interest payment, without a tax hit.

2. Explain safe, reliable short-term savings vehicles like CDs. (We’ll get to teaching them about investing equities in another blog. My father let me invest in the stock market when I was a teenager, and it was such a great lesson. To give you an idea of the era, I bought Kaiser Cement and Royal Dutch Oil, and I did well! But I also held onto the investments for seven years.) Tell them CDs are good for earning extra money to pay taxes with. This will beg a certain question from them that will lead to the greatest tax lesson of all.

The question: But wait, won’t I have to pay taxes on that CD interest? What’s the point?

I’ve heard kids, and adults even, get turned off to earning because they think they’ll have to pay more tax. The number one thing they should embrace is never curb earning. It’s not a wealth-gathering methodology. Saving doesn’t make money. Making more money makes money. Be in the highest tax bracket you can, and then use investments in the short term, mid-term, and long-term to curb your tax liability.

I serve as Secretary of the Board of Trustees for a private school, and as such I feel the tension and anxiety among parents. Some can’t help but wonder if they can continue to afford a private education for their kids.

In many cases it depends on how their businesses and careers are going next fall.

Another sticky problem is the private school/college quality trade-off. If the kids continue in private high school, does it jeopardize the quality of college you’ll be able to afford for them? Those college fund statements are painful to look at these days. Even if you start thinking, okay, there will be a rebound next year, so if I earn back this much….it still could be a while before that college fund feels full again.

But no one can wait until next fall to see what shakes out. So while it’s still March, and there’s a little time before the next school year, do some contingency planning.

First thing to get into your head: It’s okay if private school is no longer an option. But before you get to that:

1. If you can, apply for financial aid at the school. Sometimes you have to wait until very late in the year—May or so—before getting an answer for the following school year, so that can’t be your only plan. But do it. It doesn’t mean you’re any less supportive of the school. I know some school environments can add that social pressure. I say, forget that!

2. Barter, defer payment, cut a deal. Also, if you have an imminent situation—you’re not sure you can afford the rest of this year—go now and talk to the school about your financial situation. It may take some pride swallowing, but often schools will work something out with you. There is no shame in this economy. And in that same vein, offer to help out at the school in return for deferred payment, discounts. I know a very skilled computer programmer out of work right now who is handling the computer needs for his daughter’s private school in return for a discount in her tuition.

3. Borrow against your house equity or life insurance. Neither of these are bad ideas if you think your financial hardships won’t be long lived.

4. Look into tapping 529 or 401K money. Check with your investment advisor about these options. There may be situations where you won’t be taxed, or it may be worth it.

But if all the bailout ideas don’t work, you’ll need to plan for public school. You may have more choices than you think. If you hate the local public school in your tax district, apply for a variance.

Visit all local public schools within reasonable driving distance from your home, get familiar and comfortable with them. One of the luxuries of being laid off is you have business hours to do research. If you like a school out of your tax district, you can apply with the School Superintendent’s Office to get a variance.

A variance means permission to go to a school out of your tax district. There is a fee associated with a variance, which will vary, but it’s less than private school. When I looked into it in my area, the variance for the public school I liked was less than half the price of private school. Variances are usually granted if the school grade your kid will be in is not at its class capacity limit. Do bear in mind that you will probably not have school bus service.

If the class capacity generally comes close to filling up each school year, the school may make you wait until very late in the game before granting the variance—late summer, right before school starts. So you’ll be in limbo. But they are worth exploring, and applying for early. It’s March, apply now. Variances are granted on first-come, first-served basis. You find out the details by calling the principal’s office of the school you want to attend, but essentially the procedure is that you write a letter.

To visit local schools, you have to call and ask for a tour. Call the principal’s office, not any other administration person. Pester if you meet a little resistance, explain your situation, and that applying early for a variance will be important. Sometimes they’ll start by asking you to wait for a new student open house orientation, often held in April or May. You can push past this. They’ll be flattered that you want their school, or at the very least the principal will accommodating because variance students bring extra income to the school.

In general, you have nothing to lose. If they turn you down for a variance, then your kid simply goes to the district school.

Also try to involve your kid in some activity—without them necessarily knowing—that involves the public school community they may be a part of next year. Often there are community center summer camps that your kid can become a camper, counselor-in-training, or a full counselor for, depending on age. Community camps are great because they’re inexpensive, and they include kids from a lot of local schools, not just the one in your tax district.

If anyone has a changing schools story to tell, please share it.

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You’ve got a three-month plan in action. But you need more. A one-year plan, as in: If your financial situation hasn’t changed in one year, you should have the following in place. Some of these items, in order to achieve them within a year, need some planning now, and along the way. As usual, some may apply to you, some may not.

My number one piece of advice about these one-year changes: Keep them from the kids for now. They may not happen, so why cause undo stress, or in some cases, disappoint them?

1. Put your house on the stealth market. Don’t have a fire sale, don’t give away your property, don’t even advertise to your community. But put your house on the market and see what happens. And I’m talking about doing it now. No sign out front, just a deal between you and a realtor and their listing process. If you do it now, you won’t be freaking out later. And if you get an offer, think about it, and if it takes a while, so be it. You don’t want to be putting a house on the market the moment you really need to. You want to do it long before.

Regardless of what echelon of the housing market you’re in, sometimes the stealth on-the-market house has cache. Sometimes you’re right in the path of someone downgrading and can get a good deal. In my neighborhood, there are a lot of New Yorker expatriates who consider my house a big step down and therefore a savings. I’m keeping that information close to the vest in this economy.

Remember, it’s Spring time, so people with kids who need to relocate want it done over the summer. That means finding a house now, and closing by June.

Putting the house on the market now also gives you opportunity to think of clever ways to market it, in coordination with the realtor, and on your own, via blogosphere outreach. In my upstate New York area, there is the New York City market, but also Southerners and Californians who may need to relocate for work and don’t want to live in a city, but close to one. You may put feelers out to people you know across the country, via work networks, social circles, and social networking.

2. Look for jobs out of town. In the same vein as putting your house on the market, and in fact while you’re at it, look for jobs out of town now. Start a worldwide search if you’re adventurous, and call headhunters—the works. Inviting opportunity never hurt anyone. You can always say no. Different areas of the country are of course affected differently by recession, depending on the ecosystem of the state’s economy.

For instance, in Washington, D.C., the unemployment rate outranks the national average right now, at 9.3%, but it’s a tri-state area, and neighboring Virginia and Maryland are at 6% and 6.2%, and their populations serve the D.C. economy. Government, the military, medical, and technology industries there still afford opportunity, especially with a presidential administration that just opened up stem cell research and gave the nod to green tech, both growing fields. Medical technology is a huge, growing industry, with roots there as well.

The great thing about out of town jobs is you can rent a place based on your income, and if your house on the market isn’t selling right away, you can rent that out, too. Or at least try. You can always keep a house on the market while you’re renting it.

3. If you’re a do-it-yourselfer, start a green upgrading side business. I have zero skills for building or fixing things. Neither does my husband. We’re praying that our daughter chooses a useful life path like carpentry or medicine so someone in the family knows how to do something. If you have skills, even if you’ve never worked at carpentry or related vocations professionally, there is one growth area in the contracting field: Energy efficient home upgrades. People who purchase solar or geothermal units, tankless water heaters, pellet stoves, and other such items get a 30% tax credit. There’s no cost limit, either. There are still wealthy people out there, and since ultimately these conservation changes save money, aside from the tax break, there will be a demand for purchase, installation, and service of these systems.

You can either look for jobs with a contractor who specializes in green home upgrades, or start your own business. There may even be small business loans or grants to get for this sort of business. Look into it. Don’t be scared off by the news. Check out energystar.gov and energytaxincentives.org for information on which installations give tax breaks. Market yourself to wealthy communities.

4. Plan to sell a car. This is not one to do right away, but learn the ropes of eBay. My mother sold her car on eBay, which I promise you means anyone can do it. And she got a better price than any dealer offered her. You can tell everyone in town you’re doing it to be green.

5. Take a loan from family members. This isn’t always an option, but if it is, don’t be ashamed—or try not to. Drink a glass of wine before you make the call, whatever it takes. But also don’t wait until you’re desperate. It puts too much pressure on the person who would be lending the money to you. A desperate person never seems like they can pay it back. It’s psychological, for sure, but nonetheless can be true. And when you’re not desperate, you can think through arrangements that make everyone feel better, like repayment with interest.

6. Borrow against equity in your house and insurance policy. If you have equity, borrowing against your mortgage is just fine to do, even to pay for college. It won’t be forever. There was a trend in the early 1980s where wealthy people paid for college by taking equity out of their houses, investing it in equities, and paying for school and loan repayment with earnings. It is your capital. Just give yourself strict terms with the money.

Buyer’s warning: Don’t let anyone talk you into a reverse mortgage if you can help it. With lifespans these days, I wouldn’t recommend a reverse mortgage for anyone under 72. Even then I’m skeptical.

7. Look at state health insurance programs for your kids. These can be tough to qualify for. Many families, even with layoffs, come in right above the income and asset requirements. But look into it soon, because it’s a bureaucratic system and can take a while to wade through.

Stay tuned for my next post, which is what to do if you need to move your kids out of private school—Private School Bailout. This could be included in the one-year plan, but it’s quite a process, a plan of its own.

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There is one essential difference for single parents suffering from a lay-off, especially if there’s no other parent contributing financially: It’s a lot harder. Often mitigating the circumstance is so critical, managing stress is a luxury. If a single parent manages to keep the stress off of their kids, you’re my hero.

So aside from the applicable ideas in PART 1 and PART 2, here are actions to try immediately:

1. Find another single parent to be your single parent crisis partner. This could mean carpooling to save gas, or just having someone else to work things out with, like picking up kids from school or activities if one person has a job interview. This is critical if there is no other participating parent, or nearby family. Having someone else to cooperate with makes more seem possible, and your ability to cope is reinforced.

Many single parents have someone like this already loosely in place for emergencies, but if you discuss that you are one another’s emergency contact, and you are both hereby in a state of emergency, it makes a difference. There’s also someone to vent to besides your kids, and ideas happen between two people. Who knows, you may end up starting an Internet business together, selling survival tactics, products and services for single parents.

2. Apply for food assistance. Again, try to take the shame out of this. It is not forever. And don’t tell your kids if you don’t want to. Food assistance only works if you have absolutely no source of income during a given week. Unemployment doesn’t count as income, and in fact you’ll need to file for unemployment before you can receive food stamps or food donations from your local food pantry. Talk to your kids’ school, too, in terms of school lunch. Get that ball rolling quickly if your circumstance is severe.

3. Tell the school, meet with the principal. You need allies. This is very hard, because it’s embarrassing. But an aware principal will watch out for your kids and signs of stress, they’ll help alleviate that stress, and they may have good ideas for you as well. Who knows, the school may need help in some way that can be monetized for you.

4. Get help from local churches or synagogues. Even if you’re not religious, local churches and synagogues are for members of the community. Find out what programs they have and how to be involved. There’s rarely a lot of bureaucracy involved, so if you need help you can get it now, not weeks from now.

5. Shop at thrift stores for great clothes and other department stores goods. They have great stuff. The Salvation Army is well known, but there’s also Value Village. I learned to shop at thrift stores from a very wealthy friend of mine who is an avid conservationist and environmentalist. She sees no reason to support a primary clothing market when there’s an enormous secondary market. In this economy, I’m glad I know about it. I personally prefer Value Village. And who knew I was being green at the same time.

6. Here’s a strange one: Learn to write grants. Sounds like a weird survival skill, but it’s something you can do at home, it’s formulaic, and grant writers make good money. Besides, you need to invest in yourself to make yourself more recession proof. Not only that, you tune into how many grants there are out there—and you might just find a way to get a grant of your own. Some are shrinking, but some are expanding: Think about stem cell research, autism research, green tech, global warming. Find the hot issues in the news, and there are grants for those areas.

As a university professor, I can tell you that tenured professors would pay good money to have some help writing grants to do research. That’s a great market in and of itself. And if they have tenure, they’ve got a recession proof job.

7. Join a community Time Bank–a brilliant volunteer-and-get-credit program. Check online at timebanks.org, and if you’re community has one, join it. Here’s the basic idea:  There’s a pool of people who volunteer for needs of the group. Any time you volunteer for something—you’ve grocery shopped for the elderly, babysat for someone—-you earn credits. You then can trade those credits in for a volunteer when you need something. Brilliant. Never mind a bad economy, it’s the green community path of the future. And you’ll meet great people. Part of digging out of any hole is widening your circle of people.

8. If you live in a rental property, offer landlord management services. Talk to your landlord if rent will be a problem, before that landlord approaches you. Once you’re approached, you’re on the defensive, and the conversation is limited. Offer to perform some apartment or rental house management duties in exchange for a temporary break in rent. My brother has been doing this for decades, everywhere he has lived, just because he’s cheap.

Everyone is overwhelmed and has needs. The trick is to find out what those needs are. The most important thing for a single parent is to do as much extra work at home, or nearby, to minimize latchkey kid issues. But remember, that’s what the single parent crisis partner is for, too. In any case, helping out on your rental property is easy on the parent guilt. Offer to paint, do small repairs, manage repair people. You can do it. You’ll be surprised.

9. Contact your local Chamber of Commerce. They will know anything about local business and employment opportunities. Many people don’t think of doing this, which makes it a good thing to do, while you’re putting your name out everywhere else.

Any other single parent war stories out there? Share them. One more word of weird advice: When the weather is warm, take your kid camping. There’s something about camping that hones your survival instincts.

Check back on March 24th  for The One-Year Plan. To be updated on new posts, you can also subscribe to our RSS feed,  Facebook and Twitter page. Just add us.

This 3-month plan is about making a few significant changes, and preparation for more possible changes, before things become too big of a problem. The idea is to do whichever things on the list apply to you, and see how it’s going in three months. I suggest using this plan in coordination with the one-year plan, which is PART 4 of the Laid Off series.

The reason not to tell the kids about this plan: I subscribe to the school of thought that kids shouldn’t know every single adult thing going on in the house and in the parents’ world. Now, for college kids, it may be harder to hide, or even intuitive, tuned-in teenagers. Actually, teenagers are often more likely to figure out secrets being kept because they’re home and are phenomenal eavesdroppers.

Nonetheless, do try to keep potentially painful life changes to yourself for as long as possible. Worrying about an uncertain future will have an effect on kids’ school performance and well being. The more stable they feel, the more relaxed you’ll be executing some or all of the following ideas over the next three months.

1. Start looking for various jobs that aren’t your expertise. An 80-year-old scientist I know, born in 1930, said when he was 8 years old his father, also a Ph.D. in medicine, taught him to be a brick layer.

“It’s important to have a recession proof skill in your pocket,” his father told him.

Brick laying may not be recession proof in this bad housing and construction market, but the point is the same. Apply for jobs that are “beneath” you. This man’s attitude is perhaps the most important part of toughing out a bad economy: There is no shame in working at something you weren’t schooled for, or aren’t a pro at. The loss of your job isn’t your fault, or an indication of your ability to provide, to succeed. It’s just a tough time. If we can all accept this—and I will be the worst at it—then we will not just pull through, but have the opportunity to experience something different, get a fresh perspective.

It won’t be forever.

The reason not to tell the kids about your odd job hunt is that they have more calm wrapped up in your identity than you think. If they feel like you’re applying for jobs they might apply for, it will worry them. No reason to tell them until you actually start working at one. For now, it’s simply covering all your bases, reaching out to as many opportunities as possible. Part of this could also be reaching out to your network of business contacts and friends, and seeing if they need any sort of work assistance.

2. Sell Things. This is the era of eBay, and if you aren’t familiar, now’s a good time. It’s a great revenue-finder even in a good economy, but it takes time, and mental bandwidth, to keep up with it. So it’s a perfect project for the out of work parent, who can focus on setting up an account, monitoring and marketing the products, and bringing in some revenue.

But don’t go straight for the family jewels. Take inventory of your whole house and any storage facility first, and then do market research, see what’s out on eBay that’s selling. You’ll be surprised; you’ve got more than you think. A quick inventory at our house produced these items: an in-wall air conditioning unit we somehow purchased and never used. A piece of exercise equipment I couldn’t tell you the name of if I tried: It looks like something Dr. Seuss would build—the one-man band of working out. It rows and you climb or cycle or bend and twist. Anyway, clearly one of my husband’s purchases. I think he pinched his finger on the computer module the first time out and never used it again. A late ‘90s purchase, when the NASDAQ was at 5,000 and the Dow at a steady 12,000. His saving grace is that he kept the manual, even though he’s never read one of those in his life. But if you have a manual, you’ve got a model number. And if you have a model number, throw it up on eBay.

You’ll make money and clean out your basement, attic, garage, storage units. I think you get Feng Shui extra credit, too.

3. Don’t run from creditors. Call them. Take a look at reorganizing credit now. Even if you’re a person who normally doesn’t revolve credit, the next few months may place new demands on your habits. So, before you slap things down on the card you have, look at the interest rate. Yes, good offers might be harder to come by now than they were before, but they’re out there.

If you do revolve credit and are worried about getting maxed out and buried under interest rates, then definitely shop around for a new card. Also, speak to your credit card issuer about a payment plan before it becomes a problem. That’s the way to protect your credit rating. The same goes for outstanding medical bills. Call them, be proactive. This alone will reduce stress a great deal.

4. Get some advice before doing your taxes, if you haven’t already done them. If you owe taxes for 2008, then you may want to get advice about a payment plan with the IRS. If someone has lost their job, there are payment options available.

5. Become a part of a medical study. If there is a teaching or research hospital near you, you may be able to become part of a medical study. They often pay people to participate. Now, I know it sounds a little Orwellian at first, but it’s not always about being a guinea pig for a new Big Pharma drug. Sometimes there are sleep studies, nutritional studies, studies that link behaviors to health or illness.

Does anyone have any three-month plans to share? And please share your stories about layoffs. Who knows what advice or leads may come our way if we share.

And for all you single parents, PART 3 is for you. Check back on March 19^th for the next installation.

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PART 1: 6 Changes You Can Make To Survive and Thrive

NOTE to readers: This is the first blog in a 4-PART SERIES. This blog post, PART 1, is devoted to a family 3-month plan you share with the kids. PART 2 will be devoted to the plan you and your spouse make behind the kids’ back. PART 3 will be an additional plan for single parents who do not have the luxury of the other biological parent contributing to the finances. PART 4 is the one-year plan.

When the economy comes knocking at your door, the single hardest thing to do is remain calm and positive, for yourself, yes, but mostly for the kids. I know I don’t. I know I should, but the emotions are real, the stakes high, and living rooms have ears.

These days our house is filled with conversations about people we work with that have been laid off, cuts in budgets we’re trying to meet, more work than we can handle just to stay afloat, and the looming threat that if we don’t outperform expectations—never mind merely living up to them—that we’ll be the next casualty.

That’s a lot. But it’s still time to calm down before we panic the kids too much. And if your kids are already panicked, don’t panic. We can undo it; it’s not too late. The first thing to do is take a deep breath and get our minds around the fact that getting upset has been done, but it doesn’t have a place in planning to really cope. I want the kids to understand reality, that’s important. But they’re young, and if all they feel is trapped, it will choke off their problem solving skills, and their coping skills. Same is true for us, so we’ll be better off by planning to protect the kids. It’s one of the gifts of being around kids. During hard times, learning to be positive by teaching it to them.

When I ask people who lived through the Depression of the 1930s, they all say by the time it was over, they had developed a resourcefulness that helped them for the rest of their lives.

Okay, so let’s assume that someone in your family has gotten laid off. The first thing to do is make a 3-month plan—a fiscal quarter worth. And this plan can not only cut costs, but will boost your kids’ college applications, resumes, and may even land more than one person in your household a new job. Before we get to the list of things to do, I’m going to be my mother’s daughter and tell you what not to do first. Can’t help it. It really is in the genes:

DO NOT:

1. Do not share your long-term fears. It will accomplish nothing positive at the outset. For example, do not bring up possibilities of losing your home or not being able to afford college, even if those threats are real and imminent. No one loses their house before 90 days and this is the first three-month plan you are sharing with kids. Bad news is a negotiation, like anything else. Do it in stages, for the best chance at acclimation without panic. Plus, that is part of your parent-only private plan, which we’ll get to in PART 2. We are not ignoring it, just finding a different place for that conversation.If your kids ask about college or the house, I’d say to tell them it’s fine. Be in the present. If anyone has any advice to the contrary, please chime in though!

2. Do not show too much emotion. Funny thing about kids, they care how you act a lot more than what you say. They’re more natural, and feel energy behind something. You can tell them it’s scary, unnerving, stressful, and even angering—all of those things teach them politics and civic duty and great lessons about life itself. If you remain calm, they’ll take all those emotions as a call to action, as awareness, not your being unstable. They need to see that you are stable, that life will go on. It also teaches them that emotions can be had without being a threat to our control or sense of self.

DO:

Okay, enough of channeling my mother. Let’s get on to what TO DO for your 3-month plan. Bear in mind, you may want/need to do one of these, all of these, some of these. But definitely do #1:

1. Have a philosophical conversation that includes the environment and humor: Tell the kids it’s a tough time, it will pass, and we’ll learn a lot about being conservationist in the process. Hey, it’s the era of environmental protection and global warming. Tell them the whole planet should be doing this, whether the economy is good or not. Tell them this economic reality had to happen in order for us to change our habits and actually evolve. Have philosophical conversations. Kids are not too young for those. I’ve never understood why philosophy isn’t taught until college.

Tell them there should be a reality show called “Recession Survivors!” and maybe your family can video tape a documentary of how you make changes in your life. I’m not being flip here. Use humor during these conversations. Humor is disarming, and when people are relaxed, they open up their problem solving skills and creativity. Ideas happen instead of shutting down. Also, it helps mitigate any shame kids might experience if friends at school ask if Dad’s been fired. If you can use this opportunity to teach your kids to develop a true sense of humor, you will give them a true life gift. Take a look at all the successful comedians that the 1930s produced: Bob Hope, Milton Berle, George Burns, The Marx Brothers, the list goes on and on. Google it some time.

2. Take inventory of family expenses and make the kids the “waste busters”: Take a quick look at the March 5th blog post. It’s all about letting your kid evaluate your cable or satellite TV plan, comparison shopping, and find a better deal. Have them go expense by expense and find a good deal for everything in your lives. Help them of course if they need it. Do land lines, cell phones, electricity, gas, food, water, maintenance costs. Make a chart for each expense. Have a one-month goal, two-month goal, three-month goal. Compete to see who can find the best deals.

3. Barter with community members, and trade extracurricular activities for volunteering: In this economy, we need to help each other out and network as much as possible. You might be surprised how much you can barter. Before you do things like give up kids’ extracurricular activities, your yoga class, the gym membership, see what those service providers need. Maybe your kids’ tennis lessons can be traded for doing bookkeeping, or babysitting. While one parent is out of work, he or she can barter. And if you do need to give up some activities, remind them it’s only for three months. By that time, they might forget about it, or if not, resume the conversation then. Tell them it’s time to take a time-out from our normal activities and try new things, particularly volunteering.

Say your kid wants to play basketball and you can’t afford it right now, then have them sign up to be a Big Brother to a kid and teach that kid how to play basketball. It will give your kid perspective, and who knows what doors it will open. They’ll feel so good about themselves, too. Or if there’s a local film festival (and there is in every state now, most towns, too), have them volunteer for that. What kid doesn’t love movie stars?

Volunteering looks great on college applications, by the way, or on resumes if your kid is already in college. It can also lead to summer jobs, or even part-time jobs during the year for them, which solves another problem: their spending money. They’ll feel fantastic if they volunteer for three months and it turns into a job offer. It’s an excellent lesson, too, about getting your foot in the door.

4. Take on a border: If you have a guest room, consider this option. It’s great for kids to get to know someone new in an intimate way, especially an adult with a different perspective than parents. They may meet a lifelong friend. You can sell this to the kids, by the way, by telling them you’re helping someone else out. It does not have to come off as your need. Okay, that’s a lie. Is that so bad?

5. Discuss plan for the laid off parents: The laid off parent is looking for another job, but I’m starting to think it’s also a great opportunity to explain to kids that years start zipping by as you get older, and honestly, there’s a silver lining to losing that job: When one door closes, another one opens. Maybe it’s been so long since Mom or Dad evaluated what they’re doing with their lives every day, and the break is a welcome one.

My father always said that recessions are the time to try something new. He was a successful entrepreneur, who reminded me many times that success means standing up one more time than the number of times you fall down. He was successful, he said, because the last thing he tried worked, not because things didn’t fail along the way.

6. Join community supported agriculture: If you have community supported agriculture (CSA), it’s a great way to buy organic produce for much less than in any grocery store. It’s also an excellent way to teach your kids about sustainable agriculture, and give them a completely new extracurricular activity. They can often volunteer on these farms or city gardens. Another great bullet point for a college application or resume. Imagine what they’ll learn about the economics of our food supply. In some cases, you can spend $30 a week on produce for your whole family. You’ll be eating healthier than you ever have been at a fraction of the cost.

Discuss with your kids your dreams and things you’d like to try. When was the last time they saw their parents as growing, dynamic people with dreams? Hey, they may have great ideas of a business to start. There are always needs that are created in a recession, because people’s needs change.

Please share other surviving and thriving ideas. And stay tuned for PART 2, the plan you make behind the kids’ backs. I’ll post it on March 17th, St. Patrick’s Day. Maybe that’ll be good luck for everyone.

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I have grappled with this for a long time. So far I’ve dealt with the question in this mature manner: by avoiding it. I’d happily continue to do exactly that, but I’m afraid that won’t be possible for long in this economy.

The whole “how much money do we have” issue is simply looming too large now. If your kids aren’t asking you, their friends are asking their parents. It’s coming to your house sooner or later. At best, we are two degrees of separation away from facing this question. I, for one, don’t want to stare blankly without a prepared answer when the kids strike.

And as we delve into teaching kids about managing money, making a decision about telling them takes on new importance. The fact that we touched upon this issue the college tuition hike blog was a sign to me. (I noticed that when I referred to it, I found a way to circumvent telling them and still teach the money management lesson. That was not premeditated.)

Time to make the decision. Okay, so first of all, what are the benefits of giving the kids the bottom line?

1. They get a realistic picture, and then the lessons you teach can be very number-crunching specific. It’s good for the overall skills of money management, computation, and problem solving.
2. They feel trusted with the information, and perhaps they have ideas, or will adjust their behavior in some way, on their own.

I was sitting here trying to enumerate more benefits, when the negatives starting screaming quite loudly in my head:

1. They can get scared, in a free-floating anxiety way, which can be too much burden on them, when they don’t have the capacity to handle it yet. I don’t want to teach them fear associated with money management. That just makes people avoid the issue. On the contrary, it’s a level head I’m desperately trying to cultivate.
2. They might not think much of you after they know. If they read entertainment and sports star news, your salary may not compare with their heroes’ incomes. Now, while this may not seem that important at first, your authority as the family money manager needs to be absolute in order to teach them. If they decide, “You can’t teach me!” you’ve set yourself up for big problems.I distinctly remember the time in high school when I found out what teachers make. During that adolescent period of rebellion and disdain for adults, the low number made me think less of them, and myself as potentially superior. (Fitting that I now teach. Karmic payback.)
3. They will tell other people. My daughter can’t keep a secret for more than two hours if it’s a really good one. You can visibly see her start to burst at the seams.

Please add more pros and cons here. This issue is like nature v. nurture, there’s no limit to the discussion!

I think the answer, really, is very individual. For my part, I am holding off revealing the entire truth for now. But, I do think for certain exercises in teaching money management, you need dollar figures. What I think I’m going to try is taking a dollar amount, telling them it’s a portion of monthly income (no need to tell them what portion). Then they can use that number as budget for a finite number of items.

For example, I’ll say, for the family budget lesson: We have $3,000 per month to divide among six payment obligations. How should we allocate the money? I’ll give three givens—recurring amounts, such as the cable TV price, monthly car insurance, and monthly health insurance—and leave them three variable amounts to play with. I’ll give them three categories to fill, such as groceries, gas, and clothing. I’ll make sure to say that’s not an entire budget, or revenue stream, but a sample set. (My motto: Speak in math class terms as much as possible).

The same principle—using a sample set dollar amount—can be used to teach buying investments, which we’ll do in an upcoming blog. (Now is a great time for certain investments, such as retirement vehicles). I think I’ll say: “I have $20,000 I’d like to earmark for investment. How much would you put in a CD (and what term CD), how much in a college fund, and how much in longer term retirement?”

Now, what if they ask me what my salary is directly, looking me in the eye? I can always say it varies, because I write, I teach, I do speaking engagements, and some consulting. But there’s also something to be said for being very direct, either way: “It’s a private matter, and I don’t wish to reveal it right now. Or, it’s X dollars.”

What are some thoughts out there on full disclosure, and how to handle it?

To teach kids how to cut expenses, try this exercise: Give your kid the job of assessing your cable or satellite TV package. He or she has the authority to call customer service and change the package if it is deemed unworthy. Yes, your child is the final word.

I know this is a scary proposition of handing over control, but it will keep them awake while you sneak in the money lesson. We have to hit them where they live. They all use the TV.

This idea does come with a warning label: Your husband may hate this idea. Mine is a TV addict and this suggestion did not go over well. In his dream world, no one would even know how to operate the remote control in the house except for him. And not to be sexist here. In some families, it may be the mother who hates the idea. What I’m getting at is this is an idea that one parent is likely to hate. (I had to put, in writing, that a certain list of channels would not disappear from my husband’s grasp.)

But let’s give the kids a chance. They’re great analyzers, especially when that analysis can be done online and deals with technical options.

Ask: Do we have the best value cable TV service? Are we getting the most for our money? Have them go online and look at the new plans, call customer service, compare what they can get. Give them a challenge: Can you get more channels and save any money, even $1?

This is a fun game because introductory offers usually mean you can save $10 to $20 just by changing something, sometimes in the form of a free month of HBO or something. They’ll feel successful immediately and even be enlightened about what a month of HBO costs. They’ll start wondering if they watch enough HBO movies to make it worth it.

Now, the best part of the lesson is the follow through: If they sign up for something new, they must keep track when the 30 day free trial of something is over and discontinue it, or switch to a new free trial.

Put a reward on it: Open a savings account and deposit what they save each month. Have them keep track of the savings on a ledger. If over six months they save a certain amount, they can order something cool: The NFL direct TV package, or premium movie channels, for instance.

But bear in mind that amount they save won’t likely equal the cost of the NFL package or premium movie channel. Perhaps they’ll only save $5 to $10 over six months. If they save at least $10, they will be able to buy a month of a premium channel.

But if they try every month, and remember to follow through and keep tabs on the service, they probably deserve some sort of tangible reward, even if it’s only $5. Follow through is an incredibly hard lesson to teach and a great skill in money management. I myself am a shining example of forgetting to follow up on things. Can you imagine if it translated into them remembering to do chores, like take out the trash, without being reminded?

If they’re successful with the TV package, you can try the same exercise with the wifi service in your house, cell phones, land lines. If you deposit the savings in a savings account, or even a CD for them, and they can see savings accumulate, they’ll feel accomplished.

I’d love to hear back if anyone tries this at home, or has stories about any other assessment kids have done.

There was a warm winter day last week, the sort where you can actually imagine some sun on your face, the snow thawing, that great relief called Spring. Then there was the inexplicable knot in my stomach, triggered by a pretty storefront window, with bright orange, pink, and yellow colors.

I could actually feel my bank account balance cringe a little. Bright orange, pink, and yellow meant the new Spring clothing lines (not to mention tax time), and that means a lot of income-erasing card swiping if you have a clothes horse for a child.

Put a kabosh on that account balance leak right now.

When I was 14 years old my best friend got a checking account and a clothing allowance. I thought this was the ultimate freedom. So did she. What her mother knew is that she’d end up spending less.

The key was her mother was willing to give up control. That screaming argument about whether it’s appropriate to wear pants with words across the backside? You’ll have to give that up. Don’t know if I can handle that, to be perfectly honest. But I’m going to try because otherwise fashionistas can nickel and dime you into huge wardrobes, at tremendous expense. And it’s not exclusive to girls.

If you open your daughter or son a checking account and teach them to use a debit card (or write checks if you live in a small town and they have a driver’s license), then the budget is born. One warning about the check writing: If you really want them to learn to write checks, but they’re resistant, consider caving and going with the debit card. Yes, it’s great to learn to write checks, but debit cards are easier, kids like swiping cards, and even in small towns only non-mall boutiques will want to take checks from a kid. Plus, for all we know, it will be mortally embarrassing for them to write checks in front of their friends at the mall.

Choose your battles.

So, once you have the checking account, you can say: Go to the mall with your friends instead of me, but you must buy, say, 2 pair of pants they’ll allow you to be seen in at school, a jacket, and 2 shirts in the deal. If you have money left over, have a field day.

Just put a very specific, hard-fought amount in the account. They should have to do comparison shopping to get everything on the list with the amount you give. Breaking impulse purchase habits is one of the side benefits of this exercise.

See what they come back with. See what they learn. And it’s a great way to start a checking account, and savings account, which you can use for other money training exercises.

If you make clothes shopping a seasonal venture, then you add in a few extra lessons: One is pacing spending. There will soon be another chance to have something you can’t live without. You don’t need everything all the time. That chance comes sooner than you think. You get busy and before you know it, it’s time to go shopping for summer clothes.

Looking and planning for the next season let’s them understand that this too shall pass, it’s not so critical.

I think one of the things we forget as we age is how long time takes to pass when you’re a kid. If it’s March, then the end of the school year is another lifetime from now. They can go through at least two entire romantic relationships between now and then. I can barely fit in the one I have. It’s probably because we replace drama with stress. Personally, in June I’ll still have some of the same items on my to-do list—items that I’ve guiltily transported from day to day, week to week. And I’ll justify my poor time management by saying, “I can’t believe it’s June already. Feels like a week since New Year’s.”

If you can incorporate any understanding of time passage and time management, all money lessons will be easier to teach.

Here’s another opportunity: Tell them to start thinking about all the summer clothes they’ll want. My daughter would consider it torture to choose one or two bathing suits. She’ll want a fleet of them. Tell them if they want items above and beyond the clothing allowance, they can start saving for next season now. All they need to do is put some money aside from their allowances or jobs. Want them to see how fast time passes? Let them see how long it takes to save money, how fast summer approaches before they’ve hit their savings goal.

There’s an inverse relationship there that will blow their minds, and make them sit up a little straighter in math class, too. Perhaps.

Entice them to save by mentioning that in the bank their money earns interest. Of course right now it’s not much in a checking account, but conceptually they’ll get it. You can take the opportunity to explain if they want to save longer terms, CDs pay higher rates than savings accounts, for specialty items they may want next Spring, like the outrageously expensive sneakers that are a Spring must among the teen set.

All in all, the clothing allowance creates good habits. It is truly their first lesson in financial planning.

Does anyone have any clothing allowance stories? Pitfalls or tips?